Separation & Divorce Options
The “Kitchen Table” Approach: The couple negotiates the contents of their Separation Agreement on their own without substantial help from professionals. In order to have a legally binding Separation Agreement, after negotiating on their own, one spouse hires a Collaborative Attorney to draft the terms of their Separation Agreement, prepare deeds, Qualified Domestic Relations Orders, etc. and the other spouse hires another Collaborative Attorney to review the documents. This approach is appropriate when there is little or no conflict, few assets or debts, no complex issues, and both parties are comfortable negotiating for themselves. Attorneys may charge a flat rate, hourly, or flat rate plus hourly depending on the complexity of the agreement and the time involved. Depending on the complexity of the issue, this option may cost from $1,000 up.
Divorce Coaching: For those who need a little more help in resolving issues, but can still negotiate most issues on their own, Divorce Coaching may be an option. The couple seeks professional support for only certain issues. Divorce Coaching may be provided by interdisciplinary mental health professionals on our team (generally when one or both spouses feels the need for emotional support) or by Collaborative Attorneys (generally when one or both spouses feels the need for legal advice or counseling). Couples may also seek the help of a neutral collaborative financial professional in evaluating various financial options, and to coach them through the financial issues of the divorce process. Attorneys must still draft the final agreements. The costs vary broadly depending on how much coaching is needed, but are higher than the Kitchen Table approach. Divorce Coaches generally charge by the hour.
Mediation: In Mediation, a neutral third party guides the couple in their discussions of the issues, which are focused on reaching agreement regarding the terms to be included in a Separation Agreement. Mediators may be attorneys or non-attorneys. Both spouses meet with the Mediator at the same time. Once full agreement is reached, the terms of the agreement can be incorporated into a Separation Agreement. Each client is advised to get an individual consultation with an attorney. (In North Carolina, both attorney-mediators and non-attorney mediators are prohibited from giving legal advice). The Attorneys work together to draft the Separation Agreement to incorporate the agreements made in Mediation.
Sometimes, especially in very complex matters, both spouses and the mediator may wish to meet with their Collaborative Attorneys in a five-way conference to review the details of the mediated agreement and to get Attorney advice and counsel.
Mediation is especially appropriate when there is low to moderate conflict, where the parties feel comfortable meeting together with a Mediator to negotiate the details of their separation, and where disagreements concern non-legal issues, such as co-parenting, scheduling, or division of personal property, rather than legal issues such as a complex business valuation. In mediation, the mediator charges for his or her time and the attorneys charge for their involvement as well. They may charge a flat rate or hourly.
Mediation with Divorce Coaching: One or both spouses may choose to have Divorce Coaching from members of the Interdisciplinary Team during the Mediation Process. Divorce Coaches generally do not attend the Mediation conferences.
Collaborative Process: In the Collaborative Process, both spouses are represented by a collaborative attorney throughout the process and all enter into a commitment to work toward mutual agreement. If the process does not yield an agreement, the attorneys must withdraw. They will not litigate. The Collaborative Attorneys may charge an hourly rate or a flat rate based on the size of the marital estate, income of the parties, and complexity of the issues.
Collaborative Divorce: An Interdisciplinary Team approach may be used during the Collaborative Process, to have the support and assistance of knowledgeable professionals to advise parties about financial assets, real estate or business evaluations. Both spouses may also have therapists, and/or divorce coaches to help them address the emotional issues. Psychologists or counselors or social workers may also be on the Interdisciplinary Team, as neutral consultants for child development/co-parenting expertise and for addressing interests and concerns expressed by the children.
The Collaborative Divorce process is the ideal holistic model. It is especially appropriate when one or both spouses feels at a disadvantage in negotiating a Separation Agreement (such as a power imbalance) or when one or both spouses would like to have attorney/psychologist/financial advice and negotiation help throughout the process. It is well-suited for high conflict divorces. The Collaborative Process provides the maximum support for getting to a satisfactory, long-lasting resolution. The Attorneys charge a flat fee or an hourly rate and each team member bills separately.
(This is where we "draw the line" but you should know about two other options.)
Cooperative Divorce: CollabLaw.org does not offer this option. In Cooperative Divorce, the attorneys work to settle the case outside of court but without the security of the collaborative commitments. If the case doesn’t settle, the same attorneys will litigate on behalf of their clients. We believe in the power of the commitment to resolve the case and the collaborative commitments offer protections and incentives that are not included in the more informal cooperative divorce methods.
Litigation: This model is well known. We’ve all seen it in the movies and everyone probably knows someone who has a divorce horror story. It involves turning your life over to attorneys and judges who will tell you how to resolve your issues based on a narrow view of the relationship that focuses on what didn’t work. The Attorneys of CollabLaw.org have all litigated in the past. Law school prepared us all for this model. And we all came to the conclusion that it is not a model that works for families (and perhaps has very limited uses for others as well). The process of separating and divorcing is hard enough without giving control of the future to a judge or cutting back room deals that focus on only what hasn’t worked in the marriage. We don’t do this. We don’t recommend it. If it is unavoidable, we can give you names of attorneys who will litigate.